Here i am, blogging, as promised to myself, cause i cant keep everythng in my heart anymore. just fyi, i lost my diary. sigh. so blog here i come again. Sometimes, i always asked myself where did i go wrong in life. whenever somthing happen, i askd myself if do i even deserve it. so, to cut it straight, i remember how much i detest guys. i detest them to the extent of no-no rs. but only mere flirting. i always told myslef to just contact with all the guys and flirt around, as i really hate them. but, then, came along a god gift, he changed my mind, he changed my view, he changed my thoughts and....almost everythng.
everythng about me changed eversince. i love him. i gave him everythng. i just told myself that i have to be a good girlfriend. a girlfriend who will make him stay. a girlfriend who deserve him and otherwise. a girlfriend who is destined to be with him.
however, as days passed by, i cant deny, im afraid of reality. im afraid of karma. im afraid of evevrythng tht might happen. i wish i can just hug, kiss, everythng and be his girlfriend forever. karma, reality? whats tht? thts what i did to other girls. tbh, if some of you have been reading my blog post, you guys might say im a bitch. why? late 2010, a guy in a rs met me. i met him. and he fought with his girlfriend. and everythng went haywire. since then, i told myself to stop. stop. but then, that was back then. Alhamdulilah they are getting on fine now. and mid last year, my bf who was in a rs met me. we met. we laugh. we held hand. we hug. we kiss. we told each other our secrets, our everythng. and hence after, he broke up with his girlfriend.
what happen? they fought, she suffered emotional breakdown, thinking where she went wrong, and it was alll ruin due to a third party. what im afraid of? reality is this......them.....
these flawless girl. these girl who have long, straight hair. this girl who doenst even need makeup to make them pretty. these girl..... they are my reality. you know wht im afraid of? the same thing which i did to other girl. thts all. thts it. i told myself not to bother with all these beautiful girls who entertain my bf. but still.....i cant. i cant. i have tried to hate my bf for this, thou i cant.
i always told myself....not to bother. this is our rs. it doesnt involve all these hoes.
this gg one year relationship is only between aliff haidar and nur shamira, and i have to be positive and shouldnt let my mind go wild. no, we are not fighting, nor are there any girls. these are just my random thought which i have been supressing for way too long. this relatioship is between me and him, only.
i love you, very very very much. and i just hope you realised that.