everytime i look at my mum and brother, i feel so idk. useless. helpless. empty. worthless. like i dont deserve them. like i dont at all they pamper me too much. to think again,thy rly pamper me too much.
when mum scolds me,i cried. brother will always come to me and cheer me up wif all his lame joke.
when uncle scolds me in the middle of the night mum will wake up and actually defend me. when im strss wif schl werk brother will on all the movie which make me happy.n when knows my hp is spoil, he immediately fork out a huge sum of money just to make me happy.
and when he knew bout my breakup he even comfort me in  way by saying 'mira lawar2 gini pun nk nangis pasal laki. nnti dia yg nangis la sebab lepaskan mira'
uhm..... and when i dont hv the key fr hm, he will get all worried fr me. sigh perfect brother perfect mum.
nothng to complain bout them.
im just not tht good,u see..... to think again when did i last make them proud.... i guess its when im admitted to temasek poly. tht was a yr ago. i was a total failure this yr. rly failure......
they gave me everythng. each time i didnt eat cos i hv no mny thy make sure thy gv me ample mny. curfews, thy didnt even instill tht on me. thy gave me a whole lot of freedom. beat me? thy dont. just once cos i skipped schl fr too long. but u see thy love me tht much.
but what do i repay them wif? not gg to schl, getting into a rs, back home late, gg to another cntry wif a guy, didnt went home and stayed outside wif a guy, lie lie lie lie.
but Alhamdulilah, im bck to how i was now. gg to schl and studying and no gg anwhr wif guy and shits. and no lies. sigh feel lika total failure



pillar of strength : them. mum, brother and azrul cos i love them too much and vice versa