firstly, would like to apologize, as its gonna be anothr emo post. but who cares. when things are running through my mind, i cant expect my friends to be there to hear my shits. and i cant control my mind frm thinking bout all these shits again. so guess what.... i... miss us, i miss myself, i miss my life. i miss how i was 16 months back. i miss all of the thing which include you and me
i dont know what i have been doing. i really have no idea. when was the last time i actually went out and have fun, and actually feels happiness? and actually feel, happy? idk. i havnt been feeling tht for  2 months... when will i have a good nice meal, and laugh throughout the day, and went home with a smile, all over again? when can i have someone to acompany me throughout my journey home, again? when will i go out early in the morning and be back home only at 1230 in the midnight, again?





i miss how my life used to be. i miss those times, when im bored i can randomly txt a special someone 'shayang ape buat, i miss u :( ' ' wah boy action mana nak txt girl loner ' and he'll reply me with his sweetalks and entertain me. and tht can instantly make my day. i miss the times when i have went out of the hse and reach my destination, and i have someone to update my whereabout. ' yay i da reach, lupchiu! ' ha ha ha, i miss those shit. now, whr am i gg or wht i hv today or tmrw wont even affect any single soul. this suck. i miss those times when i have to ransacked my whole wardrobe and find a proper clothes, and watsapp you the pic. ' i pakai ni woki? ' and you'll reply me with ' jarang eh? pakai tube ok. jangan pakai jarang2 la )): ' now, who even cares for me. none. totally none. i miss how i always have someone to listen to my stry, rants every single night be it at wasapp or phone call or meetups. ill be all 'you here, and there', and filling you up with all rants 'u tgk ah dia, u, u, u.... asal dia gini. u. tgk ah mak. tgk ah cikman. ' and you will just listen to me, and when you gt tired, u will be ' ape dia, u sane, u sini' and pinch my nose and all. ha ha ha sigh i even once cried cos u pinch my nose too....hard. i miss the times when i think im all alone and u'll be there 'i ade kan, i takkan tinggalkan u. sumpah demi Allah i syg u sgt2. tinggalkan u pun i tak akan. :))'  i miss those times where i'll wake up, and my hp will always have a text, always. 'shamat pagi chayang!! i da otw to werk taw :)) lupchiu!!'   ha ha ha ha......

wanna look at mmries? yes. lets. cos i love how happy i was back then.

so you know supposedly as we promised,we gonna catch breaking dawn 2 .... together :') now its out in cinemas. where's him? idk. i didnt even bother watching it......

and this, this was my 2012 wish, like my so called new year wish. is 2012 even a good year? are we even togethr still? idk....... its over......

 

 

so, we or should i say i, think tht far ahead...... thts why im still not moving on, cos i wanna make it real. if i still have a chance, i would..........

 

sweetalks.......... which is also a promise...... which make me happy.....

so, i cant imagine my life w/o him back then...... ha ha ha im breathing and surviving now, but yes gg home sleep eat and fck the routine. life revolve around him = 100% true.

 

 

 

and his morning txt every single morning. ah......i miss this, fcking alot. always the reason why i smile in the morning. sigh.............

 

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see how much i still linger, and hope and wish? I wish we could start over. Or start again maybe, because “starting over” assumes that we would start from the beginning, wiping our past clean and starting new. I don’t want to do that. We had a passionate love, although it was quick, it was everything. if you were to come back, ill say thts my most best day ever. thts when i finally got back my happy life. being happy w/o pretending. thts when i know i deserved to be love.