You're amazing.

{you = definition of happiness/}

Monday1:56 AM

So hi, its Monday today. I didn’t went to schl. I haven’t been able to sleep well. Too many things on my mind. And that too many thing, is only related to one person. Why should I think? I didn’t, but the memories came to me, all by itself. Sucks? Yes.

So yes, guess what everyone, I met him, he met me, on the Saturday. Oh yes, if you guys think I can move on even faster after this meetup, I swear no….. It was an impromptu plan, meetup. I was over at le aunt hse, and he called me, asking if we can meet. I didn’t have any plan on that day anyway, so…..why not. Met him at bukit batok around 4pm. Uhm yes. Not knowing whr to go, we walked to under a block near westmall, and sat there for our catch up session. his first question was ‘how are you’. me being me will obviously answer ‘okay ah…asal tak ok plak. Mcm gitu balik tdo makan computer..’ ha ha ha and he took out his hp and show me my blogpost pictures, the one which show a txt ‘terrible I miss you so much’ hahhahahah idk, I find it cute tht he actually do take note of my blogpost, cos I don’t even remember sometimes.

So yes, then I started talking and all about my life, my 4 days mc, my flea market, kelasmate and all…. And he listen to me…to my stories…. And then he suddenly ask me ‘boleh I peluk u?’ idk, tht question make me happy, it actually make me smile laugh and butterflies in the stomach. Upon answering ‘mestilah boleh’ he actually just get up frm his seat and give me a long tight hug. I swear, it was a really tight hug. I cried instantly, i…cried. Why? Cos it have been 2 months since I got a hug. A real tight sincere hug. why? cos I realise that he do miss me. Why? Cos upon him hugging me, I felt this butterflies in my stomach, this joyness in my heart. Why? Cos I swear I freaking miss his hugs………..and I freaking miss him……..so we had a long hug. This hug which tells me that its not over. This hug which make me happy.

After that, we had a talk bout him, me and us. So he tell me why he left me. So he cried in front of me. So he kiss my hand, my hair, my forehead. So he remind me a lot about us.

‘u igt I da move on? U igt I tak pikir pasal u? I igt lagi semue pasal kita. I igt bile I tak tido satu mlm, then I anta u pegi sekolah dekat tp, tros I pegi keje. Dekat sane, we had our first photo together. I igt semue…. I appreciate u dlm hidup i… tbh I was happier when im with u . u da bagi I due event. U bring me up and make me happy which I didn’t get on my past 8 months rs. i pun da rapat dengn family u. u sendiri terkejut I boleh rapat gila dengn family u. I guess its gonna be hard fr another guy to gain tht trust’ – he said all of this. He said all of this. He said all of this. Hopes, appreciation, love, he gave me that. Idk… im really happy upon hearing all these. He misses me, as much as I miss him. He remember what he did with me as much I remember.

But fck shit he still left me. Fck this fact that we are not toegtehr anymore. But it didn’t hurt me tht much anymore, tht we are not together. Cos I have come to realise, by just meeting him like this can make me feel happy and alife all over again. Given a chance, I would like to have a deal wif him. A deal which can make me happy. this deal. Is what we did on Saturday. Meetup, talk, hug, kisses and all. I wish we can still do this, secretly without anyone knowing. And we’ll stop once either of us got into a new relationship. Im confident this can make me happy all over again. That laugh and smile, only exist when im with him. I realise that. Cliché? No. it’s the fact.

So he asked me ‘u nak tgk breaking dawn dengn i?’ and smile. So everyone……………. can imagine my reaction and feeling right? Yes, I was very happy, really happy. know why? I have been anticipating breaking dawn 2 ever since im with him. We catch the part one together, and he promised me we gonna watch the part two together. And ever since we broke up, I didn’t really anticipate breaking dawn 2 in cinema. Cos I know I’ll constantly be remembering bout us, instead of me concentrating on the show. So , we had a pinky promise, tht we gonna watch together, this weekend. Ha ha ha ha pinky promise…….i only did tht with him. Cos he’s the only one who entertain me….. and he said ‘nanti tgk wayang u da boleh sandar dekat I ok?’ major happiness :’)

So yes we continue having a long talk about this and that, and me crying here and there and laughing evry few second too. Funny what happened on tht day between us. I guess If I were to call 10 people to witness what we were talking and doing, they wont even know tht we have broke up.

We hug a lot, we hold each other hand, kiss each other cheek, touching each other face…. Sitting on his lap while he hug me…. Carry me while hugging me….. tht…..tht is happiness…. Tht is what make me happy throughout tht day…. Tht hug, and kiss we had, still lingers till now… that’s……. happiness.

I swear, If we were to be together back, that’s major happiness…….. one bit of hate, there isn’t any, at all…… love. Yes love. Fck this word. Cos I still love him freaking a lot………….. I tried to hate, I tired, after knowing why he left me, I should freaking hate him. But I cant….. because my soft spot will always be him.

This meetup we had on Saturday, I didn’t regret one bit. Didn’t at all…… cos I know he still misses me, cos I know given a chance he would come back, cos I know meeting him can make me happy. but fck this shit, cos whatever happened on Saturday, kept replaying on my mind. From the talk, to the hug to the just a normal kiss to a tight hug, to the tight grip of my hand to our cries to the passionate kiss we had………….and how he got injured on his leg……..

Shit. Everything kept on replaying on my mind. Every single thing. Funny how he can make me happy, just like that. Funny how I can be myself when im with him. funny how I can never be angry with him. Funny how….things have to fcking turn out to be like this. Funny how we have to meet each other secretly…..now. funny how he have to tell her he is meeting his business partner….. funny how things have changed, tht he is updating another girl his whereabout, and not me anymore. Funny……how fact have change. Im meeting another girls’ guy, instead of mine. Ha ha ha fck this shit cos im not feeling guilty…..im not……as im not at fault…… funny how even after what happen, I still didn’t hate him, one bit at all…..

Im still praying and hoping and wishing for a miracle…….. if he were to come back, I swear to Allah I swear I can change him to never be a flirt anymore….i swear he can change me and bring me to the right path… I swear we can be really happy, very happy….. I swear I can finally feel tht happiness I had throughout tht 14 mnths….. I swear, I will never feel….this…empty anymore……. I swear I finally feel alive all over again…… its different, the feeling he gave me and other guy gave is….. different. He just have this one thing which make me like this……….fuck huh.

Im tired of this two months……im really tired……. This emptiness, is not bringing me anywhere…… this gg back home after schl routine is tiring….. this 24/7 silent hp is making me sick…. This feeling when u have $$ and have no one to go out with….suck a lot……

Ya Alllah, I wanna be happy, please give me another chance to make me happy…….. amin.

these smile.....it exist only when im wif you.......ha ha ha ha fck this shit la myra