hey baby, i think i wanna marry you <3

Do you know me?
Because you know, we gotta be strong
~20 july babe, and im proud of my mum fer bringing me up,alone:") ~attached & belongs to the best xx ~i have suffer too many setback. bring it on. i will stay strong P3221562-horz eee d f e w

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{lul insecurities and me? ha ha ha fuck /}
Friday12:25 PM
3am in the morning and im still not asleep. overthinking kills, i swear.......

but anyways we all knw it, we all tend to overthink. about everything, just basically everything.

insecure. apparently im not those girls who get insecure about looks, other beautiful girls or my boyfriend talking to them and shits.

what insecurity really means when i say im insecure......
is him casting me aside..... him not contacting me at all..... lets just say im just scared he'll leave me, again. every fucking time i heard couples who have been together fr years broken up, i just cant help feeling insecure bout my own relationship. each time i see a lost lasting sweet couples fall apart and gave up, i cant help but feels insecure the same thing might happen to me. its scary i swear.

i get a lil bit insecure when he didnt text me at all, when i knw he is free. why do i feel like ths? cus shits hv happen befre. its sad how i cant push this insecurities away. its just pathetic how i get scared constantly, living in my own negative imagination......

negative imaginantion.... >>  scary how couples who have been together just decided to give the rs up cos of just one small thing or what sucks more, third party. i used to not care about these. i used to believe in fairytale. i used to think im the luckiest girl alive. i used to think everythng in my life is perfect. little did i know one by one everything is gone. its scary hw things change in an instant.

just one of the reason i actually can cast away my insecurites, is his promises. i take his promises seriously. those promises make me believe everything gna be perfect. those promises make me believe fairy tale will happen to me, will.

sorry for having this doubtfulness and insecurities gg on. its very tiring to feel insecure actually sigh. its pathetic how im really scared of reality................................................
promise me no matter how much u cast me, u wont ever leave me..... (yup he actually promise me this, the reason why im still holidng on and am able throw my insecurities away)
i swear i hav no idea what wuld hapen to my life if shits happen again. i swear. i lost my mum, idwanna lose him. its scary just thnking bout it, i swear.....

p.s can someone just tell me when my mum gna talk to me ever again. can it just happen now. i feel so hopeless in life now i swear... sigh. when u lost ur sister, bestfriend and mum all in one, nope its not awesome at all
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10:51 AM
oh hey my dear blog, i swear android should really start on a blogger apps. its so troublesome tht i can only update my blog only on laptop.when most of my time spent is on my phone, meh.
anyways its friday now, and yep im pretty excited for saturday cos im finally meeting my boyf after a week of not, so yep.
i swear im not looking forward to june cos he'll be gg to taiwan for three weeks. why is ns so cruel, didnt let him book out last week and almost some other week and now go overseas. althou its a good experience for him, it wont be a good time at all for me....


i cant remember when was ths, but yup went for prawning with his frens and their gf as usual. we literally spent our whole evening / night there. meh, i can never go to this kind of places cos im not patient at all. like at .... all.

its already the third week of school, different kelasmate every single day and im not liking it at all. and i swear im thankful joreen is wif me fr two module. at least she can entertain my shit uhuh. and yep i have two modules which require me to wear formal like literally formal and i swear its so ... mafan. a lil bit short and boom u are sent home. dk so strict for what...

and as usual my life revolves around schl and just werk on weekdays. and yep back to tutoring, syukur Alhamdulilah. two assignment at one go. yay. and i just got a john little assignment at expo too for my holidays. at least ill have money to survived on during the fasting month, Alhamdulilah.

it was my mum birthday cum mother day last week. lets just say i wish i didnt went.. sigh.. criticism on the dinner table but my aunt..... over and over again. tht person got praised over and over again. and boom i feel all useless like why was i even there. sigh.
the best part of tht day? when all me n my cusin and brother played the swing and shout and laugh and just fun. lif ewas so carefree at tht mmnt, all of us just wished to pause and stay at tht mmnt, i swear. once its back to me facing the aunty, i just wanna end my day.....

nevertheless happy mother day and birthday mum, i love u but unfortunately u dun sess it and only love my brother. its already 5 months of not talking to you, idk how i survived but i just ... did

i wanna be happy like last time. sigh, not being able to talk at all during family gathering just sucks i swear. idk when things gonna be over. idk how i managed to endured i swear. upon reaching home i actually teared up thinking about these. i wish everyone knows how much this is affecting me badly.....

because i swear pretending to be happy and unaffected is ............. easy. yes.
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Thursday10:00 AM
hi, im not feeling too good cos im out of job which just mean i have no income for my shcool. which mean ill have to depend on my brother and boyfriend.

 what if i say i kind of miss them? i miss working there. i miss how i used to work wenever i hv the free time. now, staying at home and just doing nothing is just urgh time wasting. i feel so .... meh. and trust me i hv only been out of job for a week......and i already feel so meh.

been feeling really really lethargic and tired these few days. like i can sleep for 12hrs straight and wake up still feeling tired. i can stay at home not doing anythng and still feeling tired. i can be at schl and tutoring on the same day and feeling super tired like i work 12hrs shift.

idk if ths apply. but maybe its true. a lack of hope and happiness may cause me to be constantly tired. happiness from other people and not only my boyfriend. the only happiness im getting nw is frm him. i need my family. i need the happiness my mum and aunt used to shower me with. '
talking bout my boyfriend. been meeting him only on weekends ths few weeks. its damn :( enduring 6 days in a row is urgh......

sorry for blogging bout my mum and boyfriend constantly. i just miss them. and when i miss them, i can only turn to my blog :(

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