You're amazing.

{vain mode : ON/}

Wednesday10:07 PM

{tumblr knows me best/}

9:56 PM

i really thought everything is a permanent thing. but it seems that forever doenst exist.

i tell you all my secrets. i told about the person which i never wanna anyone to know. i told you about every single thing. you promised me you gonna bring justice in my life. but then....u left

i accepted you to be in my life on 5 aug 2011. i didnt love you. slowly the feeling became stronger. slowly i realised you are the one for me. i gave you bits and pieces of myself. i gave you everything, so as to be the best. but you still.....left

i dont cry for all the small little things. i dont fall for someone tht easily. but whn it comes to you, everything is possible. the imperfect seems perfect. the insecurity i have seems nothing. the flwas i have, seems like a perfection. most importantly despite being insecure and full of flaw, i love you that much.....that much.... but still.....you left

and now, every single night, i will and have to think and wonder why shits happen...

yes, alot and alot of quetsions i wanna ask.... but idwanna ask. cos why? the truth hurt. i rather believe in the lies, if thts wht gonna make me feel better.

yes this. you asked me why im not angry after shits you have done. everyone told me i should be hoping mad cos you did those shits. but im not. im not mad nor angry. cos the right word is hurt....... hurt cos its the most least expected thing i expected from you. hurt cos shits happend when i didnt even anticipate it.

note to myself? hah yes.....

erm idk. i wont say im the one, but yes i were there every single time you need me. do you remember? do you realize? yes, you were there too fr me, every single time. so where are we now?

aniways, chin up myra, its gg 2 months for godness sake, chin up..... but sigh miss these shits......

oh aniways, shit happen shit happen shit happen. memories keep on lingering. memories keep on haunting back. people changed. you changed. your feeling fade, totally fade. i wish it happen to me as well, but no. oh shit reality suck

{people comes & goes/}

9:21 PM

too used to people getting in and out of my life. like too used. i repeat, too used.you know what sucks when you thought the people which comes in, and have make a certain impact in ur daily life, and suddenly walked away and poof, gone. it sucks alot.

mainly the reason why i hate letting someone into my life.

this person, he came into my life. like literally txted me every few minutes, from morning to night. and updated me every single shits. and promised me. erm i repeat, promised me, we'll catch bd on the very first day itself. ha ha ha so shit fck shit cos on the day itself, he didnt txted me. the next day i txted him, and he said his sent button is spoil. like who you kidding, ha ha ha. and tada pooooof, everything is gone. we stop txting/contacting. promises broken. same cycle all over again.
what i wanna say is tht, yes there is nothing between us. but suddenly disappear then give stupid excuses, and then suddenly didnt txt. is rude. and rubbish. and this cycle sucks

ha ha ha ha.

what about those person which i always meet? and when im down, where are they? nowhere in sight. no where.
and when i txt them, they'll be 'dulu ade matae mana nak carik aku kan' 'skg baru kau igt aku'
sry but this suck. and it have always been me finding fr them. like literally me. its tiring. its really tiring. friends, boyfriends, lost it all. in an instant.

what i did? idk.
giving in, always being the water,apologizing,everything its all me. always trying very hard to salvage both rs/friendship. hah ha ha but still,its gone....... its really tiring to go through the cycle. why cant people come and stay. and.... just stay. why must people leave and make it like nothing happen. and make it like its ok to leave. why must people leave when the other party are treasuring them bits to pieces?

tired. of. shits.

hah hah hah maybe cos im not worth it? cos you guys are tired? cos there's no such thing as people stay..........

{you = definition of happiness/}

Monday1:56 AM

So hi, its Monday today. I didn’t went to schl. I haven’t been able to sleep well. Too many things on my mind. And that too many thing, is only related to one person. Why should I think? I didn’t, but the memories came to me, all by itself. Sucks? Yes.

So yes, guess what everyone, I met him, he met me, on the Saturday. Oh yes, if you guys think I can move on even faster after this meetup, I swear no….. It was an impromptu plan, meetup. I was over at le aunt hse, and he called me, asking if we can meet. I didn’t have any plan on that day anyway, so…..why not. Met him at bukit batok around 4pm. Uhm yes. Not knowing whr to go, we walked to under a block near westmall, and sat there for our catch up session. his first question was ‘how are you’. me being me will obviously answer ‘okay ah…asal tak ok plak. Mcm gitu balik tdo makan computer..’ ha ha ha and he took out his hp and show me my blogpost pictures, the one which show a txt ‘terrible I miss you so much’ hahhahahah idk, I find it cute tht he actually do take note of my blogpost, cos I don’t even remember sometimes.

So yes, then I started talking and all about my life, my 4 days mc, my flea market, kelasmate and all…. And he listen to me…to my stories…. And then he suddenly ask me ‘boleh I peluk u?’ idk, tht question make me happy, it actually make me smile laugh and butterflies in the stomach. Upon answering ‘mestilah boleh’ he actually just get up frm his seat and give me a long tight hug. I swear, it was a really tight hug. I cried instantly, i…cried. Why? Cos it have been 2 months since I got a hug. A real tight sincere hug. why? cos I realise that he do miss me. Why? Cos upon him hugging me, I felt this butterflies in my stomach, this joyness in my heart. Why? Cos I swear I freaking miss his hugs………..and I freaking miss him……..so we had a long hug. This hug which tells me that its not over. This hug which make me happy.

After that, we had a talk bout him, me and us. So he tell me why he left me. So he cried in front of me. So he kiss my hand, my hair, my forehead. So he remind me a lot about us.

‘u igt I da move on? U igt I tak pikir pasal u? I igt lagi semue pasal kita. I igt bile I tak tido satu mlm, then I anta u pegi sekolah dekat tp, tros I pegi keje. Dekat sane, we had our first photo together. I igt semue…. I appreciate u dlm hidup i… tbh I was happier when im with u . u da bagi I due event. U bring me up and make me happy which I didn’t get on my past 8 months rs. i pun da rapat dengn family u. u sendiri terkejut I boleh rapat gila dengn family u. I guess its gonna be hard fr another guy to gain tht trust’ – he said all of this. He said all of this. He said all of this. Hopes, appreciation, love, he gave me that. Idk… im really happy upon hearing all these. He misses me, as much as I miss him. He remember what he did with me as much I remember.

But fck shit he still left me. Fck this fact that we are not toegtehr anymore. But it didn’t hurt me tht much anymore, tht we are not together. Cos I have come to realise, by just meeting him like this can make me feel happy and alife all over again. Given a chance, I would like to have a deal wif him. A deal which can make me happy. this deal. Is what we did on Saturday. Meetup, talk, hug, kisses and all. I wish we can still do this, secretly without anyone knowing. And we’ll stop once either of us got into a new relationship. Im confident this can make me happy all over again. That laugh and smile, only exist when im with him. I realise that. Cliché? No. it’s the fact.

So he asked me ‘u nak tgk breaking dawn dengn i?’ and smile. So everyone……………. can imagine my reaction and feeling right? Yes, I was very happy, really happy. know why? I have been anticipating breaking dawn 2 ever since im with him. We catch the part one together, and he promised me we gonna watch the part two together. And ever since we broke up, I didn’t really anticipate breaking dawn 2 in cinema. Cos I know I’ll constantly be remembering bout us, instead of me concentrating on the show. So , we had a pinky promise, tht we gonna watch together, this weekend. Ha ha ha ha pinky promise…….i only did tht with him. Cos he’s the only one who entertain me….. and he said ‘nanti tgk wayang u da boleh sandar dekat I ok?’ major happiness :’)

So yes we continue having a long talk about this and that, and me crying here and there and laughing evry few second too. Funny what happened on tht day between us. I guess If I were to call 10 people to witness what we were talking and doing, they wont even know tht we have broke up.

We hug a lot, we hold each other hand, kiss each other cheek, touching each other face…. Sitting on his lap while he hug me…. Carry me while hugging me….. tht…..tht is happiness…. Tht is what make me happy throughout tht day…. Tht hug, and kiss we had, still lingers till now… that’s……. happiness.

I swear, If we were to be together back, that’s major happiness…….. one bit of hate, there isn’t any, at all…… love. Yes love. Fck this word. Cos I still love him freaking a lot………….. I tried to hate, I tired, after knowing why he left me, I should freaking hate him. But I cant….. because my soft spot will always be him.

This meetup we had on Saturday, I didn’t regret one bit. Didn’t at all…… cos I know he still misses me, cos I know given a chance he would come back, cos I know meeting him can make me happy. but fck this shit, cos whatever happened on Saturday, kept replaying on my mind. From the talk, to the hug to the just a normal kiss to a tight hug, to the tight grip of my hand to our cries to the passionate kiss we had………….and how he got injured on his leg……..

Shit. Everything kept on replaying on my mind. Every single thing. Funny how he can make me happy, just like that. Funny how I can be myself when im with him. funny how I can never be angry with him. Funny how….things have to fcking turn out to be like this. Funny how we have to meet each other secretly…..now. funny how he have to tell her he is meeting his business partner….. funny how things have changed, tht he is updating another girl his whereabout, and not me anymore. Funny……how fact have change. Im meeting another girls’ guy, instead of mine. Ha ha ha fck this shit cos im not feeling guilty…..im not……as im not at fault…… funny how even after what happen, I still didn’t hate him, one bit at all…..

Im still praying and hoping and wishing for a miracle…….. if he were to come back, I swear to Allah I swear I can change him to never be a flirt anymore….i swear he can change me and bring me to the right path… I swear we can be really happy, very happy….. I swear I can finally feel tht happiness I had throughout tht 14 mnths….. I swear, I will never feel….this…empty anymore……. I swear I finally feel alive all over again…… its different, the feeling he gave me and other guy gave is….. different. He just have this one thing which make me like this……….fuck huh.

Im tired of this two months……im really tired……. This emptiness, is not bringing me anywhere…… this gg back home after schl routine is tiring….. this 24/7 silent hp is making me sick…. This feeling when u have $$ and have no one to go out with….suck a lot……

Ya Alllah, I wanna be happy, please give me another chance to make me happy…….. amin.

these smile.....it exist only when im wif you.......ha ha ha ha fck this shit la myra

{you and me, we could work out something/}

Friday10:57 AM

firstly, would like to apologize, as its gonna be anothr emo post. but who cares. when things are running through my mind, i cant expect my friends to be there to hear my shits. and i cant control my mind frm thinking bout all these shits again. so guess what.... i... miss us, i miss myself, i miss my life. i miss how i was 16 months back. i miss all of the thing which include you and me

i dont know what i have been doing. i really have no idea. when was the last time i actually went out and have fun, and actually feels happiness? and actually feel, happy? idk. i havnt been feeling tht for 2 months... when will i have a good nice meal, and laugh throughout the day, and went home with a smile, all over again? when can i have someone to acompany me throughout my journey home, again? when will i go out early in the morning and be back home only at 1230 in the midnight, again?

i miss how my life used to be. i miss those times, when im bored i can randomly txt a special someone 'shayang ape buat, i miss u :( ' ' wah boy action mana nak txt girl loner ' and he'll reply me with his sweetalks and entertain me. and tht can instantly make my day. i miss the times when i have went out of the hse and reach my destination, and i have someone to update my whereabout. ' yay i da reach, lupchiu! ' ha ha ha, i miss those shit. now, whr am i gg or wht i hv today or tmrw wont even affect any single soul. this suck. i miss those times when i have to ransacked my whole wardrobe and find a proper clothes, and watsapp you the pic. ' i pakai ni woki? ' and you'll reply me with ' jarang eh? pakai tube ok. jangan pakai jarang2 la )): ' now, who even cares for me. none. totally none. i miss how i always have someone to listen to my stry, rants every single night be it at wasapp or phone call or meetups. ill be all 'you here, and there', and filling you up with all rants 'u tgk ah dia, u, u, u.... asal dia gini. u. tgk ah mak. tgk ah cikman. ' and you will just listen to me, and when you gt tired, u will be ' ape dia, u sane, u sini' and pinch my nose and all. ha ha ha sigh i even once cried cos u pinch my nose too....hard. i miss the times when i think im all alone and u'll be there 'i ade kan, i takkan tinggalkan u. sumpah demi Allah i syg u sgt2. tinggalkan u pun i tak akan. :))' i miss those times where i'll wake up, and my hp will always have a text, always. 'shamat pagi chayang!! i da otw to werk taw :)) lupchiu!!' ha ha ha ha......

wanna look at mmries? yes. lets. cos i love how happy i was back then.

so you know supposedly as we promised,we gonna catch breaking dawn 2 .... together :') now its out in cinemas. where's him? idk. i didnt even bother watching it......

I constantly keep on thinking. Was what happened between us really a lie or was it real? I think about the moments we spent together and it makes me sad that I won't be able to have something like that anymore, again. like how can it be over, so soon.

idk.....im trying really hard to be , happy? idk, just be happy and be who i used to be before i met you, knew you. but,its hard. the more i keep trying, the more it hurts. things happened too fast hence i still couldnt get over it. know what guys? someone should jst slap me. i didnt delete his watsapp, i mean everythng bout him i didnt delete. and when i cant sleep, ill read back him watsapp. just yesterday i read till december 2011. long uh? ya..... i cried while smiling..... we were so fcuking happy. really happy. he was so sweet. me too. we both were so into each other. he love me alot and me too. we miss each other even when we just meet. we'll be excited to meet each other the next time. we'll be happy fr all single thing. and when we fight, one of us will just be very sweet and push our ego aside. see......... now, where are we............