its friday. 12am now and im finally home. what have i been doing the whole day? sitting outside my hse cos i was locked. yup since 6pm. cos i hv no hse key and cos everyone is too busy to even care about me. if ths was a year go, ill prolly be inside my hse cos my mum will surely put her keys outside  the hse. bt no not nw. hah told you my life is just super pathetic. i talked to myself, i ate by myself, i smile by myself.
im pretty sure im depressed. hah ha haha
LOOK AT THIS. look at all these symptoms. i cant help but really think im suffering from depression.
i cried in public when i saw mother and daughter behaving so close.
i control my tears when i saw a happy family in front of me. i cant help feeling sad when i see things i dont have or used to have.
its either i sleep for 4,3 hours and ill wake up feeling fresh or ill sleep for 15 hours and still feeling tired.
 its either i dont eat at all a single day and wont feel hungry, or ill eat 5,6 times a day still feeling hungy.
its either i'll just sit at home and just dont talk to anyone, or ill talk alot to everyone.


the thought of suicidal is so high. tbh i dont find anythng wow gg on in my life. studies? forget about it. getting a gpa below than 1.5 is embarassing and doesnt even deserve to be in a polytechnic. i have no idea why am i even in a goddamn poly. no idea how i even managed to do so well in olevel and get into temasek poly.tht must not be nur shamira. hah.
family? they dont even need me. my mum dont need me at all. my mum may even forget that nur shamira exist in her life. crtism after critism, being ignored fr 6 months now, gg out walking so far apart, msging like we are strangers, communictaing via my brother. wow. just wow.
friends? i ditch everyone like how everyone ditch me.
relationship? i have been too fucking insecure these few days tht im sick and tired of myself. insecure. the thought of you leaving me haunt me everyday. idk why. i find myself a burden. i wanna run away. i wanna leave everyone. i find myself annoying. i wasnt like ths before this. but some things and people just went over my limit. it make me give up. im a good gf i may admit that. but you know being too good sometimes bring you nowhere?
its like people dont care how good you are or how understanding you are, cos in their eye you are not good enuf for them, you just dont understand them, you are boring, you are not perfect.
i hv gone thru more thn what i have rant here. abit too much. what happen to me when i was 15 always always haunt me. i hv no idea i can be ths strong. it just come to a point of time when i wanna drop everythng off my shoulder and lay down with a peace of mind


sigh...................................................................................................................................
i feel so happy when im with him like u guys hv no idea how blessed and happy im always with him around.  but when he walks away from me or when he is not with me i feel so empty like im scared tht will be our last meetup. idk why im tht insecure.
slowly everythng adds on to my reason of being depressed.
i wanna be crazy and just be admitted to mental hospital. or just met with an accident and go thru icu and coma and everythng end so ill have no reason to be sad. i wann lose my memory and just forget everybody and see who bother being by my side. not to say im not blessed with what i have now. im more than happy but sometime everythng and everyone just dont let me see a reason to live..

yup ditched my blog, again and again. anyways sem one study break is here, yay!! a 3 weeks break, and once schl reopen its ut. ha ha ha hais. anyways keep aside that.
im werking for john little expo event now, fr ths holiday. yup it have started. im supposed to be working today but im..just.....too tired... tht i overslept.

anywys i love werking there. cos everyone werking there is around my age. thus we all have a common topic to talk to. whats funny when most of them is like suddenly from rp. hahhaha from year one to year two to the graduating rp people there. all of us there always ahve everythng to gossip about. and why i love wrking here? non stop customer. and yup im soing cashiering. interacting with customers just make me happy. and suddenly its already 6pm, time fr me to go home. hehe time past really fast hehe. yup its so eveident im happy doing cahsiering and werking thr with them. i kept laughing at every thng and tht makes customer happy too heh ;')


the second day of work, my boyf suprised me and fetched me from work! super happy i swear hehehe. so we actually shop at the john little itself fr nearly 2 hr hahahah. idky why but meeting him and shopping wif him on tht day make me happy :") yup dk wht we buy, and its all food, and it amount up to $40. hahaha
went over to town and he tried his suit fr his fren's wedding ths sunday. so mahal hais. and they headed to bb to have supper wif me as i havent had any meal on tht day.
tht sums up my 2nd day of werk, happy yes i am.
before that, he actually went away to msia for a 3 days 2 night camp :( but i survived tht hehehe

im not anticipating mid of june cos he's leaving me for taiwan for three weeks!!! :(



aniways yup its just a short update, as i hate blogging w/o photos. :">